Break-ups are no picnic, but how you cope depends entirely on the terms with which you and your partner divide.In some cases, it’s as easy as having a conversation and saying “so long”, resulting in a breakup devoid of drama.However, most break-ups are rarely uncomplicated and though they may be ubiquitous experiences, they are no less unique than the relationships themselves, meaning there are myriad ways with which you can free yourself from a partner.
So, what are they? And how can you equip yourself with the emotional tools to overcome each?
We spoke to dating experts to find out.
We spoke to dating experts to find out.
The one where someone did something awful
There are some instances where a break-up is necessary and obvious e.g. cheating, emotional abuse and/or physical abuse. In these circumstances, it’s best to opt for a clear-cut conclusion: get the hell out of there and don’t look back.
However, it’s not always that easy, as dating coach Jo Barnett tells The Independent:
“The first thing is to know that you can not be responsible for someone's behaviour and that this is the way they behave, it has nothing to do with you.
“Don't blame yourself, but do distance yourself, say what you need to say and then completely break away, delete all contacts and make it clear that they are not to stay in touch.”
Psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree, director of relationship psychology services at Vida Consultancy Ltd, adds that it’s key in these instances to have a clean break.“Once you have broken up, it’s probably a good idea to spend some time to lick your wounds as it were, before embarking on a new relationship,” she tells The Independent.
“Don’t jump on the next dating app, instead make an additional effort to be kind to yourself and do nice things.”
In other words, this is when you can feel vindicated to find yourself in a foreign country, eat pasta, do yoga and learn a new language i.e. the full Eat. Pray. Love. package: Namaste.
The one that comes out of nowhere
You’ve organised a mini break for you and your beloved, you’ve rented the vintage car, you’ve booked the ‘most romantic’ restaurant on TripAdvisor, but just as you’re ordering your matching PJ set, they tell you “it’s over”. They say “It’s not you, it’s me”. Earth-shattering.
You’re crushed, but mostly because you have no idea what to do with the his and hers eye masks that arrived last week.
“While this is upsetting news, at least you know that you needn't spend anymore time worrying whether to invest in the relationship or not,” Mason says.
“It can be blowing news, and it’s probably a good idea to take some time out to reflect on what just happened, but not too long.”
She advises finding ways of getting yourself back out there, either through dating apps or going out with friends and meeting new people IRL.
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